I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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