I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
