; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
