Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
