Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
