I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
