Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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