Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
