so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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