He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
