I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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