my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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