how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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