He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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