he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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