it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
