How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are a genius and a whore.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
