Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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