he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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