Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
