Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
