i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
