Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
