he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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