it hurts more in the daytime
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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