I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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