Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
