cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
