sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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