I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
