i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
