the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
