I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
