We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
