Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
