I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
