Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
