I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
