Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
