Someone shit on the floor
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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