I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it hurts more in the daytime
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
