I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
