See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
