You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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