I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
