Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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