What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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