Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
