Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
