I heard we made out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
