I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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