; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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