final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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