thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
