i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
